Like most trips, this one started at the butt crack of dawn. Timmy, in his new truck, was the designated driver. After picking everyone up and making a quick stop at the store (and Taco Bell of course), the usual goon squad hit the road: Timmy, Galen, Dino, and Preston.

With Preston sat shotgun they made their way through the early morning phoenix traffic. Preston chose the CD's, blasting them, while Galen and Dino sat mildly annoyed in the back seats. It wasn't long before Dino fell asleep, with his eyes open as he tends to do, and Galen settled into a stoic thoughtfulness with eyes glazed out the window. Being in the HOV lane in central Phoenix Timmy was driving 80-90 miles per hour, did I mention this was his first time driving on the freeway? Anyways the boys caught a vibe and cruised through the first 100 miles of the trip, all the way to the Arizona-Las Vegas border. When they saw the sign for the Hoover Dam, they decided to make a little pit stop.

The security at the Dam is tight, stopping every single car at the entrance. When the boys pulled up a stern and slightly more than middle-aged woman walked up to the truck, and staring Timmy in the eyes said: "Sir are there any drugs or firearms in this vehicle." There may have possibly been a small firearm tucked away into a bag buried in the trunk (we were heading to Area 51). Realising this Timmy, a masterful manipulator, fell silent and gave a slight nod of the head. The lady raised an eyebrow and stood there staring, she then slowly walked up to the truck looked around at the occupants and said: "Sir I need a verbal yes or no". "No". The lady, who by that point had zapped them of every last drop of aura and claimed it for herself, said, "Go ahead."

After a stretch of the legs, the sights of the dam, and the realization that they weren't far from Vegas, the car ride had become energetic. As they got closer and closer, as was indicated by the signs on the highway, there was only one thing on each of their minds: the world famous 8 burger big burger. The goal was simple, stop in Vegas, get some lunch at the Heart Attack Grill on Freemont Street, and order themselves an 8 burger big burger (split four ways that's a 2 burger big burger each). But, like most things with these fools, it wasn't so simple, and lets just say, what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas.

The shenanigans were immediate, there were no lines on the road near Freemont Street and seemingly nowhere to park either. Guided by the wind and the fent walkers, who were playing Crossy Road in real life, the boys were eventually able to find paid parking in a spot that looked almost free of petty theft. Hopping out, they began their fateful journey to the Heart Attack Grill. Now, being four pure of heart teenagers, Freemont Street was quite scary. There were more than a few people, both male and female, that weren't fully clothed, more than a few people that didn't appear to be in a, well lets just say, biologically natural state, and the smell was absolutely confusing. It was so distressing, Hadino shed a single tear. Eventually though, they found themselves standing out front the residence of the world famous 8 burger big burger.

However, it was immedeatley apparent something was not right. In order to enter they each had to put on a 50's hospital gown (in line with the 50's hospital theme), and upon entering they were told the rules: either you finish your burger or you get spanked. Now none of them wanted to get spanked, but how hard could it be to eat a 2 burger big burger? Well, upon asking the waitress to split the 8 burger, they got their answer: impossible. The waitress told them that she would be fired if she allowed them to split the burger. Their only option was to get it to go. So, probably avoiding a spanking, the boys were now out on the streets, armed only with their squeaky clean smiles and a precariously bagged 8 burger big burger.

So now the question arises, where does one go to eat an 8 burgers tall burger in the middle of Freemont Street. Well, for the boys, the answer was, "I don't know, lets walk around." So they did, they walked and walked under the blazing sun, with all the senses catching a whiff of life in Vegas. And, with their senses know clogged with the unfortunate extremes of the human condition, and the newly found knowledge that their was absolutely no public seating, they decided to eat the 8 burger inside a White Castle.

After spending a sizeable chunk of time in Vegas, one starts to feel dirty. So, naturally, one will go to the bathroom and wash their hands before they eat. Unfortunately, one will only feel more dirty by using a public Las Vegas bathroom. But, how bad could things be? Even with the sleepiness, dehydration, exhaustion, and dirtiness, it was finally lunch time. It's too bad then, that the 8 burger big burger (split four ways into 2 burger big burgers), was absolutely disgusting. It genuinely gave the feeling of an immanent heart attack, but, you know, in a bad way. So now, leaving the White Castle, spirits were at an all time low. Not only were these boys surrounded by a disgusting external world, but their internal worlds had now been invaded as well (and god knows the burger would become external again soon enough). However, during their walk of utter defeat back to their back alley parking spot, something mystical happened that would lift their spirits to their peaks. Some would say it was god, others would say it was man, most would say a legend. Alas, it was... DEEZ NUTS (guy).